In this entry, I thought I’d take a live example of typical “trendy terminology” . . . the type of words and phraseology I’ve been advising you not to use in your proposals and other business communications.
The following is the “elevator pitch” at the end of a marketing e-zine I subscribe to (and otherwise enjoy reading):
“Our proven methodology allows you to gain blistering clarity on your optimal growth strategy. Learn how to fully align marketing and sales around an actionable plan, measure your success, benchmark against peers, and effect measurable ongoing improvements.”
You may be thinking it sounds just like a lot of the business and proposal writing you read. And that’s my point. This kind of fashion-speak is everywhere.
But it’s not good writing for a number of reasons. Primarily, it’s hard to process; the above being a perfect illustration of that. Even though each of the two sentences is relatively short and – in a way – punchy, you still have to stop and think about it.
Here’s a possible translation (remembering it’s a “sales pitch” at the end of an e-zine):
“ ‘X’ methodology will help you determine your company’s smartest growth strategy . . . and a practical, focused marketing and sales plan for implementing it. Join the wide variety of companies (i.e. hotlink to testimonials) for which “X” is resulting in measurable, ongoing bottom line impact.”
That’s only one translation, of course. There would be plenty of others. But this one retains the integrity of its core selling message – and passes the readability litmus test i.e. you don’t have to re-read it to “get it”.
What’s more, we got rid of “blistering” – which would no doubt horrify the original author who obviously thought it “high-impact”. And it might well have impressed the odd reader or two. But really . . . does it have any meaning? Perhaps you’ll get blisters from your new-found clarity. Or something.
